Today I told the truth…
He didn’t show up for today’s visit…once again.
In the past, I tried to shelter the girls from reality. I’ve come to realize that protecting them in this case means lying to them. It’s a 30-minute drive to our meeting location so there is usually ample time for conversing. My normal mode of operation is to think of a “back-up plan” in case he doesn’t show up. I usually verbalize a plan- “if Daddy comes today- fabulous! If he doesn’t come then we will do X, Y and Z”.
“X Y and Z” usually involve some fun activity or treat. Something…anything to take their minds off the fact that their father let them down. Again.
“X, Y and Z” are great except it isn’t reality. In an effort to protect them, I am doing them a disservice. I don’t know what the right answer is and I am always open to suggestions. I am letting my heart guide me and taking advice from people who have my daughters’ best interests at heart. I am thankful for those people.
The other truth is, that in the past two months, there have been a total of six scheduled visits. Out of those six visits, there have been four visits that “he” was a complete “no-show”. One visit where he was 45 minutes late and one visit where he was on time. Not good odds in Vegas and not good odds when you are betting on the hearts of two little girls.
One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.
Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.