Celebration of a New Life

Today, I am having a divorce party. I’ve been struggling with the title…”A Divorce Party.”

I tried to wrap my mind around WHY I was having such a hard time with the title.  I didn’t want those around me to get the wrong impression.  I care a lot about what people think- sometimes too much.  Most people in my world have no idea what I’ve gone through in this process.  I took the high road and chose not to speak publicly about the specifics of my divorce.  The people in my life—“my people”….they know.  They have been on the sidelines, in my court and sometimes in the trenches with me.

If I wasn’t already struggling with what others would think about my “Divorce Party”…I got an email which confirmed the outside thoughts.  The subject line: Divorce Party?  The message basically said, “I will not be able to attend your party.  I hope you know that I think highly of you however, I must confess that I am disappointed to see that you are so publicly celebrating the loss of your marriage”.    

I am not celebrating the loss of my marriage—BUT I am celebrating a new life.  I am celebrating the end of a nightmare and the beginning of my new life.  I have been through battle and I’m not naive enough to think that it’s over just because I have a piece of paper.  I am celebrating the end of a huge court battle that was always on the forefront of my mind.  This was a court battle that kept me up late at night with mounds of paperwork.  A battle that I thought about day in and day out.  I didn’t have an attorney to go to battle for me.  I had me.  It’s over and I am celebrating.

The milestones that I lived for had to do with the next court date—or the next filing deadline for the next court form.  As much as I WANT to “live in the moment” and practice what I preach when it comes to enjoying life…it’s been impossible for me to do.

So…tonight I will celebrate this new life with my closest friends and my people from the trenches.

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One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.

Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat.  Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.

 

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Comments

  1. Heather

    I had what I called a Freedom Party. It was more than a year after we separated and I had a tough year-dealing with separating/divorcing, being pregnant and on bed rest and then having a preemie in the NICU and my grandma dying and my ex galavanting around with anything that walked not dealing with anything.
    So for me it was moving on with my life with a new job, new friends, a new baby, a new house (my grandma’s and my family had just gotten the last of the items that were not staying out, so I was able to decorate and make the place my own), etc. My friends were happy to see me recovering and moving on and were happy to celebrate my healing.
    I could understand people having a problem celebrating divorce, which is why I called it a Freedom Party because it wasn’t so much celebrating the divorce but my freedom from the marriage and all the hurt it brought. And I was FINALLY getting over him and realizing that the marriage wasn’t going to bounce back.

  2. Anne

    I think it is great you are celebrating the next phase of your life. I am sorry that the individual does not agree with celebrating happiness after such a long struggle with the courts and judical system.

    I have had many ups and downs – and I want to celebrate the ups. I mourned the death of my marriage…but when those final court papers come in, I want to celebrate the rebirth of ME!!

    I hope you celebrate this new chapter of your life as well!

  3. Tina – This is such a brave post. So helpful for those women out there that are you in your shoes – and afraid to speak up. Seriously… amazing. Keep writing. Keep sharing. People need to hear your story.

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