Divorcing a Narcissist: Birthday Parties and Narcissism
I have connected with a few women locally due to my blog. On occasion I catch myself using the tough-love approach: “Yes. I CAN believe that he did that. He is a Narcissist so let’s move on from that. How are YOU going to respond?” I find myself apologizing for coming across too harsh on occasion but in my heart, I am trying to bring forth their inner warrior. There is nothing left that would shock me– I have heard it all. On the same note, I’m not perfect either and slip up once in a while.
Last weekend I had a major “vent session” with my best friend and found myself doing the same thing that I stop other women from doing– the “can you believe he did this?” As much as I have come to learn about Narcissism, their is still a part of me that can’t grasp it. Here is an example: Summer Birthday Parties.
Birthday parties…you are probably wondering what a birthday party has to do with Narcissistic Personality Disorder? A lot. At the end of the school year (June), each of my daughters received one invitation to their friend’s summer birthday parties. At the ages of 5 and 7 years old, birthday parties are a big deal and in fact, I’ve been hearing about these two particular parties since school got out. The parties happen to fall on his visitation time which is 11am to 5pm on Saturdays/Sundays for the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of every month. Since unsupervised visits were recently reinstated, this obviously poses a problem.
The first party has come and gone– and the girls missed the party. I sent an email a week before to his multiple email addresses and also tried to communicate directly the X and with his mother. She approved the change that I proposed: I would take them to the party and then we could move his visit to 2:30pm to 8:30pm. Same number of hours– slightly different time. In the final hours, he pulled his normal moves and refused to allow the change. He cited the court order and insisted that I follow it. He claimed that he had already planned a fun day of play dates for the girls at his house. I later learned that it was a lie– their younger cousin (a 2 year old) had a play date and they did not. Frustrating.
The second party is on July 21st. I communicated with him at the last exchange about the party and he did his normal shoulder-shrug, non-committal (AKA I am in charge and don’t need to respond to you) gesture. I emailed him three days ago to get it worked out so that I can RSVP- no response. I emailed his mother- no response. We sit in limbo– waiting for him as he gets his Narcissistic fill-up by controlling the situation at the expense of two little girls who want nothing more than to eat cake, play with balloons and enjoy summertime with their friends.
I find myself in the same boat as so many women that I speak to. In a boat on the rapids– with a Narcissist trying to steer the vessel. He may be trying to steer the boat but I won’t allow him to do that at our expense.
I ask the same question, “Who would purposely cause little girls to miss a birthday party“.
The answer: A Narcissist would.
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