Divorcing a Narcissist: Manipulation Unveiled
After my ‘Narcissist Light Bulb Moment’ (aka “the awakening”) over a year ago, I see through his attempts to manipulate and control. I see through attacks and I see the extreme insanity in his emails and text messages. At one point, I would fall victim to them. I no longer do that. His manipulation has been unveiled by my knowledge of his personality disorder.
Over the summer, we’ve had some Narcissist Drama surrounding birthday parties that my daughters wanted to attend. I felt like beating my head into a wall after repeatedly emailing him in an attempt to co-parent (insert huge amounts of sarcasm here). To make matters worse, I know he thrives when he thinks I am begging him to respond to my emails.
I took the advice from one of my readers, Heather:
Give him a time limit in which to respond, i.e., “If I do not hear from you by Wed the 11th, I will take that to mean you have no problem with the changes proposed.” Give him ample time to respond; just don’t let his non-response control your life.
I did exactly as Heather suggested and this is the response that I received back from the X:
Tina- We will switch to 2:30 pm – 8:30 pm so that you can go to the birthday party with (daughter). That being my compromised position. There have been a minimum of 6 birthday parties on Saturday I have brought the girls to over the past 3 years. I am only to assume that your libel and slander about me and my family to the other mothers that will be at the party would make it an uncomfortable situation for every parent there that you have gossiped negatively to about me. Personally I would have no problem meeting everyone and showing the other parents that I am just a good dad and a pleasant person.
My Mom and I would like to bring the Girls to San Diego Zoo and Legoland. We would like to do this August 1st- August 4th. Would you agree to this short summer vacation now so we can make hotel arrangements?
Also by Tuesday AM, I will be giving $X-Amount to the Child Support office. Best regards, The X
Now I will attempt to translate his email to those of you who are new to the world of Narcissism or are currently being manipulated and victimized by someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Dear Tina- I need to tell you what a victim I am (by no fault of my own) and how you have wronged me.
Let me just slip in a quick request for overnight visits out of the county when the court and Judge have found that I am not healthy, sane or trustworthy enough to have our children for overnight visits. Maybe we can just let bygones be bygones and you can forget that you’ve been fighting to protect our daughters for three years? It comes down to the fact that I need new photos of our daughters having fun at amusement parks so that my friends on Facebook will believe what a great father I am.
Oh, by the way- I will pay you the child support that I’ve been neglecting to pay for much of the past year if you agree to what I want. If you don’t agree then you can forget it. Best Regards, The X
To those of you who have also had the “Narcissist Light Bulb Moment”, do you think that I covered everything? Anything that you would add to the people still trying to find the light switch? Feel free to comment!
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