Divorcing a Narcissist: The Principle of the Matter
Here is the email that was awaiting me:
Tina- I am willing to pay you $3000 to dismiss the Contempt Hearing with prejudice.
I can pay $1000 on 8/21/2011 if you take this off calendar today
$1000 on 9/1/2012
$1000 on 9/16/2012.
I have notified the company I work for now of the child support for direct payments to State Disbursement office so those payments will also be coming to you. Collectively, this means (X Amount) would be in your hands by the end of September. I would rather pay past due support than pay an attorney these monies.
The Contempt Hearing claiming I made commission but didn’t pay you will not be proven. Since I lost my job on June 3rd, 2011, I was unemployed over 6 months in two intervals of time. On November 17, 2011, (X Company) laid off their entire staff. I earned $0 in commission. Thus I had only unemployment until Spring 2012. I made no commission and barely got by for the past 14 months. When employment was gained again by me, you were paid in March, as well as in April and May garnishment. No commission was earned by (X Company) as they two are a start-up company with instrumentation that has a very long sales cycle.
The last 2 weeks I was in training with my new job and I cannot afford to lose this job by being brought to court mid-week over and over. If you are unable to accept, I will have no choice but to use these payroll funds to retain an attorney to defend my rights today 8/21/12. I will not have a choice but to spend money on an attorney in such a hearing. Best regards, The X
Let’s place this one into the Narc De-Coder:
Dear Tina- I am going to attempt to bribe you with money so please don’t focus on the fact that I’ve never once kept a promise involving paying child support. You can trust me this time. I promise.
Once I heard about the contempt hearing, I promptly called Child Support Services and gave them the information about my job in an effort to stop the court process. I figured that I should probably notify them that I am working before I have to stand in front of the Commissioner and try to explain why I continue to live a luxury lifestyle and fail to pay support.
Bear with me while I lie about my jobs and the reasons that I am fired every three months. Basically, it’s always someone’s fault. I’ve never once lost a job by my own doing.
Lastly, I am freaking out about being held in Contempt of Court and am pleading with you in my own twisted and warped way. Best regards, The X
My Response- short and sweet:
Dear X- I plan to go forward with the the Contempt hearing. You will be receiving additional paperwork pertaining to the Contempt hearing in the coming week.
If you have an extra $3,000 (as mentioned in this email) than the courts would probably look more favorably towards you paying down the arrears balance rather than putting the money towards yet another attorney. Obviously, that is your choice to make. Any future communication about the topic shall be handled in the courtroom. Thank you, Tina
My daughters have had to sacrifice a considerable about in the past few years while the X has hid money, frequented bars, lived in luxury accommodations, traveled and bought a brand new car. It’s the principle of the matter. The one thing that I took away from his email is that he realizes the severity of the situation that he’s in.
To prove Contempt of Court, I must show the following:
- Existence of a lawful order (check)
- The potential contemnor’s knowledge of the order (check)
- The potential contemnor’s ability to comply (check)
- The potential contemnor’s failure to comply (check)
One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.
Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.