Narcissists and the Distortion of Reality
A lot has transpired over the past few days and I need to hold off on discussing the specifics. What I can say right now: I am dusting off the “I mean business boots” …putting on the “big girl panties” and re-adjusting the “justice tiara”….being quiet is difficult for me because I process things through journaling and writing. For the time being, I will need to write in “draft mode”.
One thing that I can discuss is the narcissist’s uncanny ability to distort events and reality to suit their needs. This often leaves family members or spouses scratching their head or worse- questioning their own sanity. This narcissistic phenomenon describes the majority of my marriage. It began with small things and over time, it escalated to bigger things. Because our (normal) brains do not think in this distorted way, it is difficult to process or understand when you are on the receiving end of this behavior. It took me almost a year of therapy and a lot of research on narcissism to understand that it wasn’t me—it was Seth.
My daughters, Piper and Sarah, opened up last night and released a lot of things that have been bothering them. One thing that happened this weekend was that Seth asked Piper (age 7), “Can you tell me WHY I received a phone call from the courts about HITTING YOU?” “You did hit us, dad” replied Piper. Piper went on to bravely remind him of two different occurrences where he had hit her across the legs to which he replied, “I have NEVER hit you in my life—I moved your leg over. I did NOT hit you”.
“I KNOW he is lying, mom! He DID hit me and Sarah lots of times.” explained Piper. She was incredibly frustrated and I knew exactly how she felt in that moment. I know how those interactions feel but to watch him do this to my little girl killed a piece of my heart.
It brings me back to that exact same place that I try and coach other women out of: I find myself asking, “HOW” can he hurt her like this? How can he make her doubt herself and her truth? Then I remind myself: He is ill. He doesn’t operate in the same way we do. You wouldn’t expect sanity out of insanity.
I remind myself that he is a narcissist.
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