Love Christie’s recommendation! I know you are going to do well. It’s beyond time to have a book on NPD written and published by an author who truly understands. Congratulations!
Congratulations! This book fills an imminent need for parents today fighting the lonely, hopeless fight in a dysfunctional family court system. Wish I had had a book like this when I went through it.
Where will the book be available? Pre-orders? Digital version?
I promise to post all of the information when I have it 🙂 Amazon for sure! 🙂
Any chance this is going to be available on itunes?
Hi Tina – congratulations on the release of your book! I was just wondering how long it took you to write your book and put it all together. Did you find it hard to get through the legalities of releasing the book ie: avoiding the possibility to be sued by your ex husband, deformation of character etc? I am presently writing a book also. I have already had some of the book looked at by a lawyer who specializes in this field. The more books/support/information and general public knowledge on this topic the better. Knowledge is power!
Also – did you ever get a response from Dr Phil on his coverage of NPD?
Thank you, Mel!
1. I started the book last April– cracked at it in the evenings after the girls were asleep and during work breaks. It’s taken quite a while!
2. I have been very careful to change all names, cities, states, etc. I am actually going back through my blog and removing anything that traces me/him to professions, cities, etc. We have court on the 28th because he wants to stop my blog/book. I have made contact with a local news agency regarding the situation. We will see what happens on the 28th.
3. No- no response from Dr. Phil but that doesn’t surprise me 🙂
While searching for Our Family Wizard to (yes, fearfully) check it for emails from the future ex, the site “Divorcing A Narcissist” popped up. I immediately clicked on it as I am always looking for more support. Reading this short page gave me so much emotional relief. It was if someone had wrapped their arms around me and told me “it would be okay, I understand and you are not alone in this battle”.
I am in year 4 of my divorce from a NCP/Sociopath (with extraordinary resources) within the California Court System. A stay-at-home mom, 20 years of marriage and 3 beautiful daughters, I am now basically penniless, have no home or car and no children (he gained custody through a multitude of lies and manipulation). The abuse (every form) by “him” and now by the court system has nearly broken me and taken me to darkest of places innumerable times and continues to.
Like yourself, I was swept completely off my feet by prince charming and proposed to within 3 weeks of meeting. Early within the first year of our marriage, his true personality emerged but I could not believe it, was in denial and felt I could “fix” it/him. The raging, violence, lying, cheating, fraud, deceit, theft and everything else began to unfurl slowly but surely. I only now, in hindsight, have a clearer understanding of his sickness and my inability to see and process what was happening. My oldest is now 18 years old and in her last year of high school. I feel I have lost her forever due to the severe parental alienation that continues to occur and which she is now participating in herself. The story goes on and on which I’m sure you can imagine.
Please help me. Also, what I can do to make changes in and improve the Los Angeles Family Court system? As you may or may not know, the Los Angeles Family Courts are imploding. The violations of Constitutional Rights and basic Human Rights are abhorrent and blatant. The judges, lawyers, clerks are all fully aware of the problem. In some proceedings and courts you must pay for your own court reporter!! The judge on my case just took my temporary support down to $00.00 for the second time. I will soon not be able to buy food or pay for public transportation which I take to visit my own children. I am a 40-something, college-educated woman who used to live very well. He is still in our 11,000 sq. ft home with all of my things. He refuses to give me my clothing or personal items and has an RO to keep me from the residence. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Congratulations on your book! I appreciate the support you give all of us going through this. I am in the second year of divorcing a psychopath and recently started a blog just to have a way to release my pain and frustrations. Writing has been therapeutic and I’m sure it has helped you survive your battle with your ex. Congrats on your book, your engagement, and the life you are making better for you, your children, and all of us you provide encouragement to. I wish you all the best in your endeavors!
Thank you so much- I appreciate your words and wish you the best of luck as well <3 Tina
PS Writing/blogging is SO therapeutic. It has brought me more healing than I ever imagined possible.
I just read your book. It was helpful just to know that I am not the only one out there. I am 16 months into divorcing a man diagnosed with a personality disorder. We have been married 26 years and have 4 beautiful children. I am a physician living in Nebraska and trying to stay sane throughout this ordeal. I didn’t speak of my situation until I filed the divorce papers to family or friends. I realize now that was part of my problem. I was ashamed of my absurd situation and let it go until it was obvious my children were suffering, suffering and suffering like me.
Initially after I filed for divorce he make up stories about me being promiscuous and having a boyfriend ( I have not) then multiple boyfriends. It then morphed into I was having sex with men in front of my youngest child. Since then he has made multiple calls to CPS, there has been an investigation and a divorce trial in late November. Three months later and still no decision from the judge so I’m still married.
Two weeks ago after yet another call from him to Child Protective Services I found out (through another investigation involving Sheriff’s department and Child advocacy center and the Custody evaluator) that he has convinced his 14 year old son that I have done these things. That there is a vast conspiracy with the police and therapists and that they are all lying for me. My sweet son believes that it is He and his Dad’s responsibility to get rid of me (prison? dead?) So that the kids and their Dad can live happily ever after in the house ( I live there now). After finding that out I refused to let him have his visitation – with the blessing of my lawyer. Now I am facing a contempt charge, the judge ruled that he can have visitation pending a hearing in Mid March. I am sick.
Thank you for letting me vent. If I told anyone else this story they would not believe it and think I was the crazy one. Cindy
Omgosh, Cindy. I am so sorry. I hope that the truth shines brightly for you…and for all of the people battling these demons. (((Hugs))) Thank you for sharing your story with me. Tina
Sounds and looks like the epidemic is out of the bag!!! Please add me to the list of women who, for looking for the love of my life and the father of my children, fell prey to, and ended up marrying the Devil himself. My story reflects MANY of the experiences that you yourself have described. For myself, it has been six years since “he” revealed himself completely for who “he” really is, walked out on me, and my (our) three BEAUTIFUL children to be with another woman, (whom I never even knew existed) while making a case for himself, through lies that I kicked him out.
The Divorce was final five years ago, but the PAIN and devastation of his actions and betrayal are a constant companion that surface, from the depths of which I have tried to store them, every single time my children have to leave me. The destructive going back and forth is the reality and constant reminder that “he” is in charge. The truth and bottom line for me, is that I have been robbed of my maternal TIME and duty as mother to my children. What could have been, will never be. The healthy and loving childhood that we all want to reflect upon, and should have the right to experience, has been shattered through one persons selfish GREED! That I cannot and will never forgive.
I have not read your book, yet. I just happened to fall upon this link by chance looking for some answers to my present state of well being; it’s a process… I too have said many times, “I need to write a book so that others can learn,” and thankfully you have done just that! I thought that would be the avenue for my healing process but instead, I found I needed to empower myself first, through study, by going back to school and becoming a Paralegal. I figured, if I can’t beat the system I will enter it and be on the inside. I’m almost there but my feeling of success comes in waves, and there are days when the reality of where my ex has placed me just keeps beating me up. I was once described as being “fiercely independent,” and I try to draw my strength from, and surround myself with only positive things. We MUST get back up! Sometimes strength is displayed by fighting back quietly and with patience. I learned very quickly, through my unexpected and blindsided battles throughout my 17 years of marriage, that standing up to “him” only made things worse. For the sake of my children, because (as formerly mentioned) their is no justice in the system, and it is terribly broken in many places, I pick my battles. What is in writing is my sword, and I do not waver from it. The writing isn’t perfect and it can’t cover all that he tries to throw at me but it is a shield. Also, as long as he thinks he is in control, the waters are less murky as the mud settles to the bottom, it makes life a little more bearable for my children. Because of who I am dealing with, I know that I must sacrifice myself for the sake of my children. My ex’s battle will always be with me and about me, so I have chosen to empower my children through my own behavior and actions. They are strong enough and smart enough to figure their father out on their own, and will form their own opinions. The main thing they need from me is my unwavering LOVE, they need to feel secure in that.
I could go on forever, as any of us who have been through this type of experience could. I have many, many, many tales to tell of my having to make excuses to rationalize “his” behavior, and of red flags being ignored. I think it is easy for these N predators to take advantage of innocent people because we always try to find the good in everything. The truth will always be the truth, and I will forever carry it, but hopefully reflect less and less upon it as time goes by and my children grow up to be their own person, and live their own lives. That is what this is all about, their well being! A chance for them to experience the goodness that Life can offer. My biggest source of strength has been through God!
I just finished reading your book…in three days! I can’t believe the similarities of what you have been through and my own divorce from a narcissist. My ex is also obsessed with money and cars, has no empathy, thinks he’s better and smarter that everyone else, and lives in his own world of crazy. I’ve been divorced for over a year, but the court battles continue. Your blog and book have given me strength. Reading the emails from your ex in the book were like reading my own. I also use the narc-decoder method and do not engage him in any sort of argument or try to defend myself. The past few years have been a living nightmare but living with him was worse.
The one thing missing from your story that has been a huge part of mine is my “replacement” (his new woman) who appeared about 3 weeks after the divorce, moved in with him 6 weeks later and has been there ever since. He constantly uses her as a defense, “I can’t be that crazy, see this nice woman who thinks I’m a catch?” During the kids visitation, she’s doing all the child care, and this woman doesn’t even have custody of her own son! She was the one emotional hurdle that still hangs me up. Doesn’t she see it? Is he not a monster to her like he was to me? If so, why did I deserve it and not her? I struggle a lot, but like you, have met a man who is emotionally normal, and has shown me what being really loved is like. It’s so nice to live in a world of non-narcissist behavior, it’s like waking up refreshed every day.
Congratulations on your recent wedding, I’m so glad that dream came true for you and thank you again for your blog and book. It’s wonderful to know that I’m not alone.
Comments are closed.
Get every new post delivered to your Inbox
Join other followers: